Someone worth Seducing

Ladies and Gentlemen:

I have to apologize for taking so long to post. I have had some health related issues. But there has been a benefit related to those issues.

Thanks to them, I have met a very interesting man who seems to make the perfect victim for me.

It can be so difficult to find someone worth seducing, and now I have found one. This is to your benefit, my dear reader, as I can now give move through the steps of seduction with you. And this is to my benefit, of course, because a good seduction is always an enjoyable one.

So I am glad to report that we can move through these steps together again. But I must catch you up quickly on types of seducers and victims. To that end, enjoy the subsequent posts and feel free to comment with your own insights and stories. We all enjoy a good seduction.

The MOST IMPORTANT Element

Ladies and Gentlemen:

The single most important thing to remember in the game of seduction is Confidence.

It doesn't really matter if you get the exact object that you were aiming for--though that is always nice--the point of the game is attraction. And what is the most attractive thing in this game? Someone who is confident.

Confidence does not mean that we do not have needs or weaknesses, but it does mean that we function on our own. Have you ever heard that the less you want someone, the more they want you or vice versa? The conept is the same. The less you need people, the more they flock around you. The more money you have, the more money people want to loan you.

They say that opposites attract. That may be true on the surface, but deep down Like attracts Like.

So, be confident. Attract those to you who are also confident. They will be your most interesting and satisfying victims.

Keynote: Keep your cool

Dear readers,

In two days I have had two interesting encounters that I thought I would mention to you to illustrate a couple of points in seduction.

Scenario #1:

I was at work and a fairly handsome man comes in with his brother (the brother was actually my customer). I joked back and forth with my customer as I usually do--it puts them at ease in a stressful environment. After a couple moments of this, the brother spoke up and said that he "liked my style." I replied that generally I liked my style too. A few more witty exchanges and a couple of Looks later, I found that my coworker actually knows the family.

key thought: It really doesn't matter if the flirtatious gentleman and I never see each other again because, I kept my cool in the situation. I was able to flirt in a relaxed manner that kept both of us at ease. Do I want to see him again? Sure. But if I don't, it was good practice.

Scenario #2:

Just this morning, I was driving my car and stopped to make a right turn. There was a cyclist in the bicycle lane and I stopped because he had the right of way. (Where I live, not many people actually pay attention to who has the right of way--though they should--and much less to bicyclists.) The man on the bicycle was shocked enough by this that he looked over at me in vague appreciation for obeying the laws before looking away again.
Then he looked back, smiling. I smiled back at him companionably. He looked away to check his bearings and looked back again. This time we held gazes for as long as we could. Then we both had to pay attention to what we were doing.

key note: Similar to the scenario above, this is a very useful situation. You can flirt with no words at all. No matter your gender, practice your own version of the "Come Hither" Look. Give it to people as you pass them. You'll be surprised how much both of you will enjoy it.


Entire conversations are possible without speaking a word...and not just for women.

Practice. Practice. Practice.

The Charismatic

Charismatics are people that we want to be around, a "presence that excites us" (Robert Greene). They have some inner quality that radiates out and others lack. Some qualities include confidence, sexual energy, sensuality, purpose, commitment, contentment, vitality, vision, eloquence. It can be any of these or something else entirely.

"'Charisma' shall be understood to refer to an extraordinary quality of a person, regardless of whether this quality is actual, alleged or presumed." -Max Weber

Charisma is inherently mysterious. You may be attracted to this person without ever knowig why. When the Charismatic walks into the room, you turn and look because you feel their presence. They have confidence, they stand out.

Tricks to increase Charisma:
1. purpose: people will follow if you have a plan. Pick a goal and don't sway from it.
2. mystery: have contradictory qualities (emotionally intimate& distant, cruelty& kindness, etc.)
3. Saintliness: be uncompromising in your ideals
4. Eloquence: "Words are the quickest way to create emotional disturbance." (Robert Greene)
5. Theatricality: Be larger than life, attract attention without seeming to do anything, be self-aware, stay composed even in the worst situations
6. Uninhibitedness: be spontaneous, have no fear, radiate sensuality--most people repress themselves and their instincts, YOU can act on them.
7. Fervency: believe in something--make it light you up like a torch so everyone can see.
8. Vulnerability: you need to be loved by your audience, show them your love as well. The extreme confidence can frighten; show some needs, vulnerabilities to balance it.
9. Adventurousness: Be unconventional, courageous, brazen. Take risks with others there to see. You will attract the bored and be seen as fearless.
10. Magnetism: The eyes reveal emotion without speech. Develop a piercing gaze, never show fear, and practice with the look in your eyes. Know what you say to people when you are not speaking.

"Genuine charisma thus means the ability to internally generate and externally express extreme excitement, an ability which makes one the object of intense attention and unreflective imitation by others." -Liah Greenfield

These qualities can be combined in any number of ways to achieve your desired results. Practice them to see how they affect others. You want to know this. Then you know how to act to achieve certain reactions in others. They will follow you.

Falling in and out of Want:

To my dear Artemis:

Fallig in and out of want can be a problem--but it is also Normal. We can't be on the top of our games all of the time.
Just this past week, I saw one of the objections of my affection and wanted nothing to do with him. This lack of want had nothing to do with anything he did or with any real lack of affection on my part. I was ill. All I wanted to do was hurry home to get back into bed.

But when you have such trouble focusing on your targets, it is likely a lack of patience. Immediate gratification is not the name of the game in Seduction. Seduction takes time and effort to produce the desired results.

When you feel that you are losing your focus, take a day and pull back. Many times the withdrawal can produce a need or uncertainty in our target (why aren't you there today? why didn't you speak with them? did they say something?). You will not likely see this unless the other person seeks you out in some way.

If you cannot choose which target to seduce, seduce them all! Remember, you can conduct many seductions at the same time. We naturally do this with social seductions. Don't believe me? When was the last time that you had ONLY one friend, one acquaintance, one person that you joked with? We do this naturally--in school, at work, at church, in our neighborhoods--so why not in love?
This doesn't mean that you play these people off of one another, flaunt them at one another, or hide them from one another. You are a desireable person to be around, so why not have more than one person around you? Do not make excuses, but do not be too overt either. People enjoy your company. Let them. But making people feel as if they are compared to one another turns them off and makes them feel inadequate.
There is delicate balance between security, need, and insecurity.

Remember, this is a game. So enjoy it.

Apology for not blogging...

To my avid readers:

So sorry that it has been so long since my last post. I've been rather ill. That's life.

Now, onto more interesting matters....

A Key to Remember

A Key to a good seduction is to remember this:

Great seducers offer a release for whatever society will not allow.

On some level, all of us feel a little repressed by some aspect of our society. There is something that we want that we aren't allowed to have and we envy the people that have it and those that may not care what society thinks. But we still don't have what we want. That's what makes us seducable.

It's hard to seduce someone who is perfectly happy. Find a person's unhappiness, weakness, insecurity. Melancholy, boredom, inexperience…whatever the cause of the unhappiness, slip yourself into the position to assuage it and that is where you will find your opening.

The Rake

Bond, James Bond. Why do women want him? Even the women that know who and what he is still want him. Why?

Welcome to the world of the Rake.

Rake’s are smooth, but not too smooth. (Women do like a rough edge or two.) They are alternately calm and collected, passionate and ardent in their desire. Sometimes, he seems to look at only you, to want only you. And, in that moment, he does.

“Intense desire has a distracting power on a woman.” –Robert Greene

1. Rakes let themselves go free, abandon into the moment. They take risks and enjoy them. Women love this—otherwise James Bond would never get as many women as he did.
2. Rakes know that men are drawn visually and women are drawn by words. They use this to their advantage. They choose words that hypnotize, suggest, and impact the Victims—the words are akin to drugging the Victim, distracting them. Many words may even seem un-provocative; this only enhances the one word that is provocative, the one that is different.
3. Rakes have no problems with resistance. If a woman resists, it’s only more satisfying in the end. If there is not resistance, he creates some. It’s more enjoyable.
4. He doesn’t give a single damn what anyone thinks, sometimes in the extreme. His wit may bite, his sarcasm may lay people at his feet, but he stays confident in himself. He enjoys his own company when he doesn’t want another’s and when he does, there is always someone willing.
5. He may be cruel, dangerous even, but it still attracts women. They want to reform him. They get sucked in thinking it’s possible.
6. He has a reputation. Danger, cruelty, adventure, a fetish for loose women—none of this matters. He never makes it less than it is. He did those things that gave him a reputation…and women want him more for it.

Personally, I love a good Rake. But when involved, I remember that this is just as much a game to them as it is to me. It is possible to turn the thrill of adventure into a relationship, but both parties must be ready and willing to do so.

Truth

In speaking to my good friend Madame Artemis, the following quote came up:

“We choose the person who chooses us.” –Artemis

How true this is.

Burn like Ice...the Coquette

Welcome readers to the Coquette Crash Course. Coquettes are masters of causing the crash, and soothing away the pain to lull the Victim into crashing again.

“Coquettes know how to please; not how to love, which is why men love them.” –Pierre Marivaux

“She who would long to retain her power must use her lover ill.” –Ovid

The more obviously you pursue a person, the more you chase them away. Be subtle, insinuating, even inattentive. The Coquette knows this…and uses it.

Coquettes have the key to bringing their targets to their knees: the calculated step back. Most think that their constant presence helps in seduction. It doesn’t. Victims must be left to imagine you as they want you to be; don’t prove what you are. Coquettes know better. Withdrawing at the point when the Victim has become secure and dependent in your company causes insecurity. Why aren’t you there? Have they done something to send you away? Why don’t you call? Then, the Victim will seek them out.

Keys:

Narcissism: Coquettes tend toward independence and self-sufficiency. They don’t need a man to coddle them because they are fine in themselves. THIS is seductive. Confidence attracts others to you. Low self-esteem, poor self-image repel others from you.

The less you seem to need others, the more you attract others. We bow to the Coquettes on this.
Coquettes excite their Victims. Unspoken promises of Fame, Fortune, sexual magnetism…she has a million tricks. She excites her target, then plays with them.

Obvious flirting reveals your intentions. Insinuation, innuendo, a seemingly unconscious and innocent disruption of the status quo work better. These are the tools of the Coquette.

Keep the Victim off balance. Give them pleasure first, then withdraw and take it away. Don’t become mechanical with this—one week on, one off, two days on, two off. Mix it up. Keep the Victim happy for three days and leave for five. Return for two weeks, leave for three days. Whatever it takes is what you will do. What it takes depends on the target.

Special Notes: Coquettes don’t get jealous, ever. But they do make their targets jealous. They make triangles—social, romantic, political, whatever. And it makes others love them.

No matter your seduction type, learn to create triangles and gain the confidence of a Coquette.

The Charmer

Charmers always feel your pain, understand you, etc. You feel better about yourself with them. They aim for your vanity and self-esteem.

"Birds are taken with pipes that imitate their own voices, and men with those sayings taht are most agreeable to their own opinions." -Samuel Butler

This is the essence of Charm. Charmers are agreeable, amenable, bright without being dazzling. They've learned to throw attention from themselves, to fade into the background. How do they do this? If you are a Charmer, develop these skills until they become habit.

1. Your Victim is the center of attention: Everyone likes attention. Let them talk--you will learn more about them, their strengths, their weaknesses, their vulnerabilities. Knowing this, a good Charmer adapts their attack to the individual while still making them feel like a star.

2. Be a source of pleasure: Don't talk about your problems, but listen attentively to your Victim's. Then, change the situation to cheer them, to make them feel happy and good again. Do this and the Victim is yours.

3. Change antagonism to harmony: Like a medieval king's court, the world is full of resentment, envy, jealousy, etc. Charmers know how to smooth conflict--they also stir them up periodically if it is to their benefit, but never stir up anything that is immune to their charm. They don't criticize, but plan ideas or insuate subtly.

4. Lull your victims into ease and comfort: Chermers are hypnotic. They adapt to the Victim's moods, relax them, mirror them with positive actions. They do not pester. The Victim is more susceptible, more responsive when relaxed.

5. Be calm in adversity: No matter the setback, no matter their personal feelings or turmoil, the Charmer will not whine, complain, or justify. They do not get angry, vengeful, or pained. They are relaxed, as though nothing can ruffle them. If you are a Charmer, keep your concerns in. Show poise, self-possesion, and empathy for others. They will love you for it.

6. Make yourself useful: If you can enhance someone else's life, they will become dependent on you. You make their life easier, help them when they have problems, and they will seek you out. NO ONE can resist. But you must follow through. If you do, they adore you. If you do not, you fall short and they love you less. Do this correctly, and you will have all the victims you choose.

"You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question." -Albert Camus

Beginnings

As I said before, each of us needs to understand what kind of Seducer we are and what kind of Victim we are. For this, I recommend The Art of Seduction.

Seducer Types:

According to Greene (who wrote The Art of Seduction), there are 9 types. I'm researching to see if there may be more. They are:
1. The Siren
2. The Rake
3. The Ideal Lover
4. The Dandy
5. The Natural
6. The Coquette
7. The Charmer
8. The Charismatic
9. The Star

A quick introduction: the Siren (female) exudes sexual energy and embodies the male fantasy; the Rake (male) is the danger edged, attentive female fantasy; the Ideal Lover (both) is the one that reflects their targets fantasy--adventure, romance, anything--and a master of illusion; the Dandy (both) throws expectations of image out the window and does ast hey please with style and flare; the Natural is playful, unpretentious, child-like; the Coquette (both) is a master of stop and go; the Charmer (both) is the master of smoke and mirrors--they make their targets the focus of all the attention and uses this to reel them in; the Charismatic (both) excites us with their presence, they seem extraordinary just by being; the Star (both) is vague, ethereal, and fascinating--we love to watch them and imagine.

I will go over and develop these more one by one later.

Victim Types:

There are 18 victims (Greene).

1. the Reformed Rake/Siren (Need to resume their previous ways, to seduce others)
2. Disappointed Dreamers (Need their romantic dreams to be reality. They've been crushed.)
3. the Pampered Royal (Need distraction, spectacle, new experiences provided for them)
4. the New Prude (concerned with appearances/correctness, they want to rebel and let go)
5. the Crushed Star (once admired, they want the attention they've lost back again)
6. the Novice (curious, they want experience with life but have none)
7. the Conqueror (Need constant challenges, let them be agressive but offer some resistence)
8. the Exotic Fetishest (don't like where they're from, want different things, exotic things)
9. the Drama Queen (need to deflect boredom, they want excitement)
10. the Professor (Need physicality, their minds are overstimulated)
11. the Beauty (Needs to be appreciated for ANYTHING BUT physical appearances)
12. the Aging Baby (Need someone to be responsible for them so they can play)
13. the Rescuer (Need to save people in trouble, to act chivalrous or maternal)
14. the Roue (cynical, jaded and worldly, they long to seduce--especially the innocent)
15. the Idol Worshiper (feel empty inside, they long for something to worship to fill the void)
16. the Sensualist (have overactive senses, use them by seducing with spectacle and sensation)
17. the Floating Gender (undecided what gender to embody, these prefer to play with both and want someone who has the same indecision)
18. the Lonely Leader (used to power, they're deferred to constantly. Act their equal or superior to get them to notice you)


Notes:
Each victim has a longing to fill, a weakness to exploit. BUT remember that the goal here is not to use people, but to enjoy them. Seduction is a game--a very enjoyable and satisfying one for both parties when played correctly.
Also, the game does not have anything to do with sex unless you and your victim decide that it does.

Many of my current friends, I have because I seduced them.

Men need to know

Guys,

We (women) always have an idea of what we want. We may even tell you what we want on occassion. If you aren't it, don't get yourself down. It's conceivable that you could change our minds.

We know for sure what we want until we see/find it. Ladies and Gentlemen, if either of you don't believe that statement then go shoe shopping with a woman. Most will browse through the store for 5-10 min before grabbing a shoe and saying "This is what I want!"

Men, there will be days when you can't do anything right. You don't understand why. That's okay. It really doesn't have much to do with you. You just happen to be there. Sorry. We have our days too. We'll get over it.

Women need to know

Ladies:

No matter how perfect you believe that your man is, there is something that you need to understand:

There will be days that he will make you amazingly happy and you'd swear that he's turned the corner and become perfect.
Then, he'll ruin it by doing something stupid and you'd swear he was possessed by Satan. And he won't even know what he did!

Get over your emotions and forgive him when he apologizes. He may not know what he did, but he's smart enough to apologize for it.

You can always tell a Charmer...

You can always tell a Charmer, no matter how they try to hide.

These are the people that will make you feel like the smartest person in the world if you spend any time with them, but do not annoy while doing so. If they irritate and lie at your feet, that is not Charm--they're a doormat. It doesn't take long to get annoyed with this.

Charmers will simply hold the proverbial mirror up to you so that you can see yourself in the best possible light. They will comment when they can be sincere and it suits them--if they are insincere, you can catch them. Thus, they have learned not to be.

A good friend of mine is a Charmer. I realized this when I began to seek out her company whenever I felt bad about myself. (Yes, even I have insecurities. I'm just better at hiding them than most.) After only ten minutes, I would literally feel amazing. She would seemlessly direct conversation away from whatever I had as an image problem to something I was great at or improving quickly on. And I hardly noticed at first.

Praise to the Charmers. They make you feel good about yourself...and say so little about themselves in the process.

Welcome to the Hunt

Some women intrinsically attract men, others have to work at it a little. Don't worry which category you fall into. You can still have the man that you want. If you are very inventive, you can turn the man you have into the man you want, but that is another day.

Ladies, learn first what your seduction style is, what attracts him to you.

1. outgoing, bubbly personality
2. beauty
3. brains
4. the way you seem so mysterious, he never knows what's going on in your head
5. the way you calmly handle any situation, relaxed assurity
6. the way he always feels like the greatest man on earth when he's with you

It doesn't matter what you seduction style is, just who you use it on. When you know how you seduce, you can choose victims that are susceptible to you.

Remember that seduction is not about sex. It's about emotion. You can pay someone to have sex with you, but not to love you.
The goal of seduction is to make them fall in love with you, and keep them there for as long as you want them.

Happy hunting.